Daniel is three today!
And what a perfect excuse to get on my homebirth soapbox.
When Daniel was just a couple of months old we thought he might have an ear infection and I took him to the ER.
“OMG, he’s so huge,” said the nurse.
“Yes,” I agreed. “He was 9 lbs 14 oz at birth.”
“OMG, what was the birth like?”
“Oh, it was amazing,” I said mistily.
The nurse looked at me like I was a complete lunatic.
Isn’t that so sad?
And you know what bugs me the most? When women tell me they’re not “brave” enough to give birth at home. I hear this all the time. This comment means two things: 1) how can you stand the pain; and 2) what if something goes wrong.
How can you stand the pain? Well, I’m not going to deny that labor without epidurals is painful. It is. But listen to what one home birth midwife says about labor pains: “labor pain is not a feedback mechanism telling the neocortex of the laboring mother that something is wrong, but rather a means of letting her know that a process is taking place which will lead to the birth of her baby. The deeper the mother’s perception that this ‘pain’ is not harmful to her body or her baby, the more she will allow it to progress without fear and tension.” I believe this. It is possible to embrace labor pain and go with the flow in a way that is simply not possible with, say, the pain of a broken big toe. Yep, I broke my big toe once. I’ve also given birth in the hospital with pitocin and epidurals and at home without.
What if something goes wrong? It’s true. Something could go wrong. Life is like that! However, you get nine months of prenatal care to establish that your risk of medical complications is low. You get nine months to take care of that developing fetus, to eat nutritiously, to avoid alcohol, drugs and horseback riding. Gestational diabetes? Footling breech? High blood pressure? Triplets? Premature labor? Go to the hospital! No risk factors, but you live an hour away from the nearest hospital? That doesn’t bode well, either.
Here is a list of links about the safety of home versus hospital birth. Personally, I think it takes more courage to go to the hospital for a healthy low-risk birth. Staying home, that’s the easy way.
Omitted from this post: discussion of the history and politics of the medical model of childbirth. But you can read about it here.
And one last thing: it’s hard to talk about this topic without seeming to criticize women who have chosen hospital birth. I know that home birth isn’t for everyone, nor should it be. But I hope that if you choose hospital birth it is a conscious decision, that you consider all models of care before choosing the option you truly feel is best for you and your family.
Well, I’ll get down off the soapbox now. Time to go make Daniel’s birthday breakfast. And if you read through all this, thank you. Please help me spread the good word.
10 Comments
I was honored to be present at my former doula’s planned homebirth recently. Although she eventually transferred under her own, informed decision, I have to say, the entire experience left me nothing short of convinced that a homebirth can be a very wise decision. Homebirth, in short, is *normal*. I wish there was much, much more of that around here. Working together, I believe we can make the culture shift. We would all be better off for it.
Happy Birthday, Daniel!
Thanks, Kristy. I agree that normal is the key word. I think a lot of people perceive home birth as this weird counter-culture hippy dippy thing. But I am quite mainstream. I go to a regular OB/GYN for my annual check-up. I’m not an attachment parent. I don’t drink tea. My vaccinated children go to the neighborhood public school, eat sugary cereals for breakfast, and occasionally watch R-rated movies.
Happy birthday wishes to Daniel!
Happy Birthday to your son.
I know a number of women who had homebirths, though I did not. My reason? I had no insurance for the first pregnancy and the hospital birth was… cheaper! So you see where my principles lie.
Sorry I’m a little late, but I hope Daniel had a great birthday!
I hope Daniel had a wonderful birthday. Someday if I ever do decide to have another child I pray I can have a homebirth. I had my second son all natural with the use of a doula and it was the most wonderful experience of my life. It really is a world of difference between a hospital pitocin labor and a calm peaceful home labor (I did go to the hopsital for the actual birth but thankfully had as little intervention as possible). It saddens me that people no longer see home birth as “normal” or an option- it is one of the most natural and healthy things a mother can experience in my opinion.
Thanks y’all for the birthday wishes!
Veronica, we had the same dilemma. In fact — oh, don’t get me started on the health care system, which also won’t pay for my glaucoma test even though I’m at 3x higher risk for getting it than the general public. GAH!
Yolanda, welcome. Your comment emphasizes something I should have said in the post: it’s not the actual location of the birth that matters as much as it is the need to be in a place where you feel comfortable and supported. Typically the place where people feel most comfortable is their own home, but not always. And our midwife, who regularly goes to Guatemala to help the women there, once pointed out to us that home birth isn’t the best option when “home” means a dirt floor and no electricity or running water.
My last delivery was pain-free–I had to be induced because my insurance was running out, and so I had the pitocin and the epidural at the same time. I suspect that does make me a big wimp, but on the other hand, it was a beautiful experience. I didn’t have to think about the pain, didn’t worry, rested and welcomed him in my heart. My first birth, also in the hospital, with an epidural that came after 18 hours of non-productive labor, was a nightmarish experience. I don’t think I could handle that kind of pain again, because at the end of it I wasn’t able to hold my child, I was too exhausted. I don’t know what any of that means; not drawing any conclusions, but I do agree that the way hospitals do things can be very detrimental. I am just not sure how having the first one at home might have improved things.
Happy belated birthday to Daniel (and Julie your ‘Labor day’, perhaps). Yay homebirth! Yay team!
Backstory- i had an informed homebirth with my son, but then had a very large haemmorage and we got transferred to hospital. So his birth was wonderful, relaxed, drug free, but the following hours were not (gas, general and a D&C to remove the retained placenta). So if I have another pregnancy no homebirth in my city would take me as a client, and neither will the birthing clinic. So I’ll be stuck giving birth in the delivery suite. Oh well. Better than being dead, I guess.
Hi-loved this post. I read like crazy about natural and homebirths the whole time I was pregnant. I did go to the hospital but my plan was to be as natural as possible. Needless to say, the medical model kind of took over. My son was 11 lbs. and 4 oz. and, although I labored for 18 hrs. and pushed for 3, nothing. So I had a C-section. The last thing I had imagined for myself. So, although I cannot be among you, I fully support natural and homebirths!